“I’ll wait until…”. I have used that phrase many times when I didn’t feel quite comfortable about something. It often comes as a result of thinking too much and weighing the pros and cons until eventually… I talk myself out of it. Recently, I have been going through my old journals and saw many goals and plans I had which I never followed through with. One of which was to start a blog. Starting a blog was something I always wanted to do but the time was never right, in my eyes at least. Recently, as I have been growing in my faith journey, blogging started to weigh really heavy on my heart. Amid the million and one things I have to do, there was always this “nudge” to start that blog. Every time I got that “nudge” I would silence it by making excuses like “Why do I have to blog? A million other people are already doing this”, “What do I have to share that’s so different”, “Will anyone even read it?”, “But I don’t know what to write about”, and the list goes on. No matter how many excuses I made, the “nudge” kept coming back.
As I grew in my faith, I learned that this “nudge” was actually the Holy Spirit. If you haven’t figured it out already, I am a Child of God. The “nudge”, which I now know as the Holy Spirit, continued to get stronger and stronger. Let me tell you, the current season I’m in right now has been one of the most trying in my life. This made me question God even more as to why on earth He wanted me to start a blog, especially now. I kept telling Him not now, I don’t feel qualified. I continued to make my case with excuses; “I’ll wait until I survive and come out of this storm”, “I’m not the type of person who likes to be public and put my thoughts out there”, “I am in no way fit to encourage anyone because I need encouragement myself”, “God, Hello? Don’t you see the mess that’s all around me right now?” Still, He kept nudging. To make matters worse, my leaders at church and others that I follow on social media seemed to be sharing the same message in agreement with what God has been calling me to do. He divinely orchestrated all these ministers to deliver the same message to me in different ways to make it loud and clear. The essence of this message is that whatever God is calling you to do is not for you, it’s for someone else who’s life depends on your obedience. Wow… Can you say mind blown?! That’s when I realized this really isn’t about me at all. My point of view was very selfish. I thought that since this is not comfortable or convenient for me, it was in no way necessary. Only to now find out that my obedience to God has nothing to do with me and everything to do with His message to someone else. After that, I would have been crazy to just say okay God I hear you, but I’ll pass. I had to give Him my yes and walk in obedience.
Let’s look back at my excuses. Do you see how many times I used the word “I”? They were all about me. If I actually took the time to listen, here are the responses God was giving all along. “Why do I have to blog?”… God: “You won’t be doing it for you, you’re doing it for me.”. “What do I have to share that’s so different? Will anyone even read it?”… God: “There are messages that I have for an audience that I can only reach through you”. , “But I don’t know what to write about”… God: “I will give you instructions on the what, when, how and why”. I don’t know about you, but I am in awe. How many times do we deny our assignments because they weren’t convenient, they didn’t fit our personality or they seemed impossible to accomplish? When it comes to cultivating a relationship with our Heavenly Father, faith is the foundation. Everything associated with the Spirit of God is accomplished through faith. The problem is that we tend to look at our assignments and calling through our carnal eyes and not our spiritual eyes. Whatever God wants us to do was never meant to be accomplished in our own strength but in His. That’s why they always seem inconvenient, hard and terrifying to us.
So here I am, writing my first blog, completely terrified, very uncomfortable and wondering if it’s even worth it. Even though I said yes, I was still waiting for the “perfect time”. Who knew that the “perfect time” would have been a month from my final exams, during chaos when my life is upside down, and I’m struggling to keep my own head above water?! Imagine, God looks past our shortcomings and sees us as perfect in His eyes. So much so that he even wants to use you to reach a specific person! Someone somewhere is waiting on your obedience. Here’s a secret, the “perfect time” will never come! so just start!
Love & Blessings,